Knowing and Being Told

There is a wide gulf between being told you’ve had too much and knowing when you’ve had enough. That goes for a number of situations. I suppose the first one I’ll tackle is the obvious alcohol-related one.

It’s not widely know, but even I have been told “dude, you’ve had enough.” Not that anyone ever took the bottle from arm’s reach, but I’ve been told. It starts with some rank-tasting beer. I say that about all beer no matter how good because I’m not really a ‘beer person.’ It could be the piss-water that comes in packs of 24 cans, or the finest pint of God’s Blood you ‘discovered’ in some local tap room, I’m just not into beer all that much.

It goes weird places from there. It’s a shot of rum that you sip for about ten minutes. The next one takes a little less time and the next seems to vanish before you finish pouring. Before long, the shot glass has been knocked over the desk with the rest of your friend’s stuff and you’re playing Faster Than Light more poorly than usual and asking that your friends (who were pretty awesome about the whole thing) “give [you] a minute” while spinning in a chair. I’m not sure where the spinning chair came from, as I’m pretty sure the friend whose room we were in didn’t have one, but that doesn’t matter. And I might be mixing the two real “drunk” experiences I’ve had. Really, I’m much better at making sure people don’t die than I am at managing that myself if I get to that point.

That’s just one example of when you need to be told “dude, enough.” And I was, and they all kept quiet about just how much more crazy and loose-lipped I am in that state. Decent people in a lot of ways. I appreciate their willingness not to be dickish “bros” about the whole ordeal. And that they turned over the recordings was very kind. I suppose my believing that the only copies that there are are the ones I have is something I’ll have to take on trust.

The other example is subtler and takes being in a situation to realize the difference. On the one hand, if someone else is telling you that your situation is shitty and is asking if you want to bum on their couch until you can find something else to do, you have problems. Surprise, surprise: I have problems.

I also have really good friends who will listen to be bitch about my problems for an hour on the phone without judging me, berating me or nagging me to just make up my fucking mind. It’s great to have people to speak to about making mistakes. Now, I’m not saying that everything I do is a mistake, but a great many things I do are and I try my hardest to come to terms with those mistakes and correct them. This wasn’t really a mistake, but I could have handled that changes in my lifestyle better.

Sometimes, like now, it works. Without going too into details, I’m not loving my job and after the commute back to where I’m staying on Monday night, I was overwrought and seriously considering giving my two-weeks and getting out.

I’m feeling more levelheaded now and not thinking as much about giving up. I guess what prompted the analogy with alcohol was that I saw this shared pic on Facebook that said there is a difference between quitting and knowing when you’ve had enough. I’m still on the fence, but I think it’ll work out regardless of the strain it’s having on my mental health (not that trying to figure out what’s wrong with me has ever helped in the past, but at least I can say  to some degree that I’m stressed and just needed an outlet. Yay for blogs!).

Whether I’m willing to give up or know I’ve had enough will come to me sooner or later. Maybe I’ll finish this job before I realize which it is, thereby negating the issue entirely. Or maybe I’ll wake up tomorrow and realize that I’m overwrought by all the changes hitting me at once – like being hit by a car… then a train… and having a mountain fall on you all at once.

It’s something that I want more of a grasp on without having to slog through the mud to get that traction. Oh well…

Until then.

3 : )


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